Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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