the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
