u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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