how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
