Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
