Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
