So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
not ubering you a puppy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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