I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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