I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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