It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
