New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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