and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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