so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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