Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
