you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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