Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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