I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
