I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
