i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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