Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
