i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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