I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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