No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you would pick up someone in the library
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
