around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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