they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
