margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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