once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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