she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
