I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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