if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
