I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
