Where did you get a picture of my penis
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I touched a dick in church today
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
