Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
