I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
