So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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