Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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