i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
