My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
