i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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