Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
