if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
