Dual....:-)
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
