you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
