If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
