Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
