Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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