remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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