do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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