You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
