It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
