so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
