brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
