It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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