Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
