remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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