i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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