If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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