He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
