Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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