It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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