I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
