Whod you bang
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
