Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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