Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You took a bar mat shot.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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