p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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