Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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