I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
