i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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