I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
