Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
