It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A bitchslap is in order.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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