Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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