You smell like a Billy Joel song
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
