So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
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