theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize